It's Time To Start Writing This Shit Down

 Welcome to my thought process. I warn you to buckle your seat belts, it's a shit show in here.

Hi. I'm Megan. I'm 33 and prone to massive anxiety and panic attacks. I spend most of my time apologizing for my existence, and even more time apologizing for any possible inconvenience I may place on someone I care about. Usually I'm apologizing for the inconvenience of my existence and telling the people I love that I totally understand if they hate me and want me to go away. Fun, right? Like I said, buckle your seat belts.

Mental health is this crazy new trend going around if you hadn't noticed. It's no longer "taboo" to talk about (minus the fact that now that everyone's talking about it they're like "MAN I KNOW HOW TABOO THIS IS BUT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT". It's not taboo anymore. Now it's trendy to talk about what meds you're on, what meds you aren't on, how many therapists you see and if any of it is working. Truth be told, I don't really think any of it is working...especially on the people who tell me that it's working. But I haven't tried, because I'M TOO PARANOID TO TAKE MEDICATIONS. Mmmmmmhm. That's a thing. Oh. And I have a phobia of making personal phone calls. I'll make phone calls at work all day. But phone calls for myself? Forget it. If I'm forced to do it I lose the ability to speak and forget who I am. I can't even order food over the phone. Also fun.

So before I start rambling about nothing (which I already started doing, let's be fair), I'm going to tell you why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I self sabotage my life. I'm doing this because I'm a pretty shitty person, even though I try really fucking hard to be a good person. I'm doing this because I was raised by a paranoid schizophrenic father and a clinically depressed mother (I'm sure you can guess how well their teachings of coping mechanisms went. Hint: I don't have any good coping mechanisms.) I'm doing this because what better way to get shit off of my chest than to possibly amuse people with the absolute batshit crazy nonsensical whirlwind of bad fucking luck that is my life.

Maybe I'm writing this because it's going to be a way to help me sort out my brain. Maybe I'm writing it strictly because I think I'm kind of funny and making other people laugh makes me happy (although I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who thinks that I'm this funny. But whatever. Get over it.) Maybe I'm writing this so I can hide behind words. Because the only way I'm able to get out the things I'm feeling is by writing them down.

Maybe I'm just running out of ideas and need to try something new. Who fucking knows. But when all is said and done, I just feel like this is the thing that I need to do here. So. Kick back, relax, enjoy the ride. Read if you want. If you don't, I literally don't give a flying shit. I'm doing this for me, not you , douchenozzle.

Oh yeah. I curse a FUCKING lot. <3
xoxo
The Overreactasaurus Rex (I really did think about writing Gossip Girl there)